a dreamer's paradise

他，回来了。

2012-01-31T23:30:00.000+08:00

别怀疑，我要说的全部是他。

在爱情里，他说学不会。
我们都在爱情里永远学不会。
很多东西都学不会。
第九张专辑,学不会。

林俊杰。
JJ Lin.

两年了，终于可以听到他的新作品。
老实说，他的上一张专辑《她说》可是被我听了不上几次然后就丢在一旁的作品，
很失望，却不想在朋友面前承认，因为我还是选择继续相信他。
就连续之前好几张专辑也没有很感动，一张专辑里可能就只有那么一两首是好听的。

又一年了，他又失意歌王宝座。
我也失望了。
我以为他从此不再回来了。

12月31号，他带着《学不会》回来了。
我也只能说：“太好了”。

完美的嗓子，唱出情感的转折。
就像新歌十首一样，十全十美。

我知道，为了营造出有利的宣传效果，《学不会》这首歌成了他每次专辑里的炮灰~~（对我而言）~~，
因为，他的每一张专辑里最好听的歌曲都不会是一首又一首让人熟能生巧的主打曲。
我不是在说主打曲不好听，只是，不是最好听的。

对于一直死打烂打打到不能再烂的宣传方式在我身上绝对是免疫的。

1）那些你很冒险的梦

这首歌是整张专辑里最好听、最有以前味道的歌。

2）白兰花

这首歌是一首中国风歌曲。
感觉他长大了，成熟了许多。
曲风、歌词、气息，完美。

3）不存在的情人

一如过往，一首首伤感疗伤情歌，
好听是不用说的。
高音呐喊，独特唱工，善用自己歌声的优点。
谢谢吴青峰老师把歌词写得那么好。

4）灵魂的共鸣

能请到世界级中国钢琴家朗朗在这首歌的钢琴部分助阵，能看得出新东家华纳器重JJ。
有别于以往的歌曲，但保留了他擅长的转音部分。
以古典音乐为背景的还是头一次，感觉全新。

5）学不会

主打歌，只能说是他普通的一首疗伤歌曲，未能赢得我的青睐。

6）Cinderella

专辑里唯一的英文歌曲，虽然不是第一次，但是这首Jazz味十足的歌曲让人听了很舒服、很轻松、很懒洋洋的感觉。
赞！

7）陌生老朋友

林夕先生的词。
太喜欢那歌词，以这样一首曲风偏向有点无所谓配搭这么残酷的歌词，感觉太真实，真实地让人心痛。
让我想起《西界》里的《Baby Baby》与这首歌有很大的对比。

8）白羊梦

一首节奏比较轻松的歌。
别怀疑，那只白羊就是3月27日生日的他自己。好一首鼓励自己的歌！可爱。。。

9）故事细腻

你细腻了吗？但烂漫了。。。

10) We Together

专辑里唯一的快歌。
中中。

没有一首是我不喜欢的。
这张专辑我真的很满意。（除了那些有的没的宣传，太烦人了！喜欢的一定会挺你到底！）
我没有疯狂粉丝的自私，没想过他是我一个人的，因为我是别人和我自己的。
知道为什么他总是失意进去歌王奖，不过没关系，
就让和你一样是二奶命的人继续支持你，

加油。

算了吧。

2011-12-31T03:10:00.000+08:00

第二十个年头是我续18岁前半段以后活得最为痛苦的一年。

我只感觉时间不停地走，一个学期比一个过得快，

功课很多很多，身体很累很累，吵架不停不停。

回忆不断不断，无奈累计累计，哭诉一直只藏在心底。

好多时候想放弃，却因为面子问题，于是我硬着头皮说算了吧。
好多时候想哭泣，却因为时间短缺，于是我回到岗位对自己说算了吧。
好多时候想离开，却发现要离开的不只是他，而是还有他的他，于是为了朋友我又算了吧。

躺在舒适的床上，看着漆黑的天花板，不断思考，然后失眠。

习惯。

厌倦幼稚，爱上成熟，但喜欢一点小白痴。
茫茫人海中又有多少人能有这结合？
于是我又说算了吧，忍下忍下又一辈子了。

这一年怎么这么难过？
爱得好累，
读得好腻，
念得好苦，
哭得好痛，
笑得好假，
做得好忙，
睡得好少，
忆得好多，
但最重要是吃得好烂。
整年就是糊里糊涂就过了，没有意外，没有惊喜，没有感觉。

没有什么特别开心的事，
没有什么特别期待的事，
但却有一件特别想做的事。
把头发剪至男生头，
把短发染上青色，
把双眼画上烟熏妆，
在左手手臂纹一个小小黑色的有形文条.

就这样。

好后悔做了很多年的乖孩子，
好后悔不曾拥有叛逆时期的记忆，
好后悔都把那些年的青春埋在书堆里。
20岁才突来的叛逆会太迟嘛？

隔空回个朋友一下：

她说：“一年，很快也很慢
因为成就而很快
因为想念而很慢”。

我举手赞成。

她又说：“我后年回马来西亚，还有朋友约我出去喝茶吗？”

我第一位出席，只怕你忘了我。

这朋友的文章怎么总是让我读了以后会有那么一种莫名的开心？
就算内容与我毫无瓜葛，但文章的手法，每一句，每一词都让我觉得好可爱。
你是其中一位最能让我想起中学时朋友。
今年在日常生活中最开心的可能就是看到她部落格更新。
没怎样，就纯粹喜欢。

又一年了，
让我开心的还有一件事。
我又为我的梦想多坚持了一年。
就算是陌生叔叔对我说了一席刺耳的话，
但我还是选着相信微不足道的自己。

再坚持些吧，
就那么一件不“算了吧”的事。

3点了，

我依然一个人，

和单身的你们。

Another day

2011-12-25T23:40:00.001+08:00

Here done the Christmas and my part time job.

Joined the MUSA sub committee where life's gonna go the other way round again.

And do meet some new friends.

There's one girl that probably the funniest and most generous KL-lang that I had ever met.
Special and simple.
That's something rare in this town.

The girl on my right is the one. Since she is just so fair, so I just make all of us the same colour!

I saw people posting about Lonely Christmas/Single Christmas on Facebook few days back.

And I was thinking why were they posting these.

No offense, but if it does work, I would rather exchange the situation with them by having a lonely Christmas than to have totally-no-Christmas-mood-but-not-alone's Christmas this year.

This sounds tragedy for me as Christmas used to be one of my favorite global festival.

Sad and I don't think I can blame the part time job that occupied most of my December.

And Christmas is about the born of Jesus Christ and not just about Santa Claus and Christmas gift.

On Christmas Eve the night itself I finally sense a little bit the mood when I think about there's actually Jesus's birthday tomorrow and I gonna make him a present by smiling to a stranger on the next day. (:

I posted 'Happy Birthday' on Facebook and did anyone get the hint?

Hope that's some.....

就让我一次坏个够吧！

2011-11-27T01:30:00.000+08:00

终于有时间了，但就是那么一点点。

终于到了我最爱的十月，可开心的感觉就是差那么一点点。。。

糊里糊涂地熬过了第二十个年头，
感觉空空地，二十年又怎样？

突然好怀恋中学时离食堂最远、第二大门走上左边而且夹在校长室与每天必经楼梯口中间的女厕所。
那厕所不怎么起眼，但就是男同学们上下楼梯最爱 “斜视” 的地方。
那厕所是新建好的，大概在我中四还是中五时才建好的。
厕所好大，有二十多格小厕，最爱就是体育节时一大班女同学一起在里面排队等厕所换衣。
这女厕所，真的让我好怀恋。。。

可是，今天的主角不是女厕所，而是隔壁的男厕！

隔壁的男厕，我只进过一次，而且是为了拍摄而牺牲掉的。

如果说翘课和不做作业本不算坏的话，那我那时候大概没做过一天的坏学生。

说到逃学，以那时的我来说，就算是~~妈妈爸爸阿姨舅母伯伯叔叔爷爷婆婆祖奶~~给的胆我也不敢。
但是就是因为没有逃过学，所以从来没有因为害怕被捉包而心跳加速的感觉。

如果是你翘课/逃学你会怎样？跟一大班同学多在图书馆里然后小声说大声笑？还是跑去篮球场假装体育节然后直接打球直到放课？又或是逃学到附近的桌球场跟那里的小混混一分高下？ No, no, no，hold住姐说这些not fashion.

要就来个大点的。

先说翘课吧！

如果给我重新选择，这次我想选男厕作为翘课的‘藏身之处’。
你当让会很好奇我在男厕能做些什么，想做的东西其实很无聊。
我想躲进最常坏、最阴森的那间男厕格，让后加班一些东西。。。

哈哈，猜到我要做什么了吗？没错，我就是想扮女鬼在厕所里面哭。要哭得凄惨，要哭得凄凉！
再不然还有一种玩法！

故意跑进男厕，然后乘在班上最好色、最让我鸡皮疙瘩的男生跑进来时，假装若无其事得在他面前经过，让他以异样的颜神看你。。。这种好色又鸡婆的男生在学校不会难找，随便走进一间课室再随便乱指也有百分之90%的几率会中到一位。当然，那好色又鸡婆的男生会回到班上然后跟他那些物以类聚的大伙儿大爆刚才在男厕遇见我的事早是预料以内的事。被人以鬼鬼祟祟的目光看惯的我在这时候只会偷偷地笑，在等待猎物掉进陷阱。

**小红，小仪，小美经过**
然后我就会大声喊:"嘿，大肥，刚刚在男厕门口，我好像看见你在偷看隔壁女厕偷看某某校花上厕所，看得挺入神，连我大声喊你也听不到！”

要知道这么做的杀伤力有多大，大到可以让他一秒内从天堂下地狱，快过变格格！
小红，正是班上的班花兼校花，加上成绩名列前茅，追求者排长龙那是当然的事。
大肥当然也就是其中一只较肥的蜜蜂，为了博得美人一笑，大肥可真在功课上下了不少苦功。最近才博得大美人小红的一点欢喜，但现在给我这么说了个，小小的希望立即粉碎，简直比三十多颗牙齿同时间被拔起还要痛！

好色。口无遮拦。希望粉碎。够坏。

以上是我一个月前所写的。
迟迟不发布，是因为还没坏够。

好想用鲜红色口红把惹人讨厌女老师的车镜上画出我的心爱之作，好让她永远记得我。

好想把惹人讨厌的吝啬校长车的四个轮胎都钉满图钉，不需要露风，只要钉着就好，好让他知道有些东西是不能省的。

好想从纪律主任手中抢过那惹人憎恨的藤鞭，然后在她面前折断，好让她知道藤鞭打在我们手心的那一刻，爱老师的心也跟藤鞭一样，断了。

好想来一场集体绝食大抗议，好让老师、家长和董事们知道，拆掉旧科学室是件多么让我们心痛的事。

好想再来一场集体大游行，好让整个区的人都知道，把百年大树砍掉，把我们爱的花草一把火烧掉也是会烧红我们愤怒的心。

好想在教师节时把蛋糕盖在平时严肃老师的面上，为了只搏得一笑，哪怕那只是痴人说梦话。

好想把美术室偷来的颜料分给同学们，然后一起在Gelanggang上作画，好让同学们学习什么是美术课。

好想偶尔和好朋友翘课，然后一起爬上篮球场旁边的一棵树上聊天。聊天文，聊地理，聊人际，聊偶像，聊无聊但就不聊功课。

好想早上大集合时借用园丁叔叔的长水喉，开大水把同学都喷湿，一起戏水，一起玩耍，一起欢笑，然后再忘记每天都会做的突击检查。

好想做很多傻子事，
想了很多个“好想”，
好想阻止当年很多个错误的决定，
好想纯粹只当给坏学生，
没什么现在想到的从前都没做？
是因为头脑太清醒了吗？

*17岁的我，17岁的你，17岁的他，17岁的她，17岁的大家*

20岁现在的我，
好想把头发剪至男生头，
好想把短发染上青色，
好想把双眼画上烟熏妆，
好想在左手手臂纹一个小小黑色的有形文条，
好想尝试我从没试过的庞科风，
然后再想象下我以后都一这形象出现在实验室，
会格格不入？很吓人？看不出？

就是喜欢看不出。

好想。还是算了吧。

~~老娘骨子里没有的，不是坏，是冲动。~~

When all my cell met.

2011-11-05T00:00:00.002+08:00

Yes. When all my cell met, I get mad as well.

Worry for the coming Cellular Metabolism paper.

15 short questions with 4 marks each

6 long questions with 10 marks each

and

3 essays question with 20 marks each.

All 24 question in 3 hours time.

Gonna make sure there is abundant glucose supply for the skeletal muscle on my right hand.

Rush. Hope it will not screw my life.

The twins.

2011-11-03T15:32:00.002+08:00

This is my newborn twin cousin brothers.

20 years old difference. ~~Feel so old.~~

Let's Smile, and make big a day =)

Forgetaboutthepaper Forgetaboutthepaper Forgetaboutthepaper.

太阳、月亮

2011-10-27T21:36:00.005+08:00

酷爱这张照片。

它给了我想要休息的感觉。

baba, happy birthday....
and he said there's a big surprise waiting for me after exam...
and I'm waiting...waiting....waiting....

The Split.

2011-10-27T15:04:00.000+08:00

If I would know Westlife gonna split after their world tour,

I would go for their Malaysia World Tour no matter how.

But It's too late to say goodbye.

Damn it.

Shane's voice is just too sexy.

I prefer the 4 men instead of 5.

and this is my Shane.

This guy, I wonder why he looks young forever.

I give the same facial expression when I heard WESTLIFE gonna split later in next year summer.

(isthiumilliacuspsoasmandibularmaxillartemporalbranchiallisscaiticnerve)

Separate all my body parts please.

Song that make my Octobie.

2011-10-26T17:00:00.001+08:00

Not sure if you know thisBut when we first metI got so nervous I couldn't speakIn that very momentI found the one andMy life had found its missing piece
So as long as I live I love youWill heaven hold youYou look so beautiful in whiteAnd from now to my very last breathThis day I'll cherishYou look so beautiful in whiteTonight
What we have is timelessMy love is endlessAnd with this ring ISay to the worldYou're my every reason you're all that I believe inWith all my heart I mean every world
So as long as I live I love youWill have and hold youYou look so beautiful in whiteAnd from now to my very last breathThis day I'll cherish
You look so beautiful in whiteTonight
oooh ohYou look so beautiful in white
So beautiful in whiteTonight
And if a daughters what our future holdsI hope she has your eyesFinds love like you and I didYeah, I wish she falls in love and I will let her goI'll walk her down the aisleShe'll look so beautiful in white
You look so beautiful in white
So as long as I live I love youWill have and hold youYou look so beautiful in whiteAnd from now to my very last breathThis day I'll cherishYou look so beautiful in whiteTonight
You look so beautiful in whiteTonight

Song of the day.
Self-indulged into the romantic scene of my dream.

Feel so sorry for my Octobie.
As I have no enough time to update my post this month.
And feel bad to just simply post something out.
But right now, I found no other ways to express my depression over the coming exam paper.

Stay tough, dream still so far. Away...

No idea

2011-09-13T23:23:00.003+08:00

Totally no idea of,

why some people can be so mean and selfish.

But mum said:" Practice to be a giver, no a receiver."

And I will learn to give. And forgive. And behave.

Wanna go home

R.I.P......

2011-09-02T01:48:00.001+08:00

几时才可以躺下？

请不要说你功课做不完，
请不要说你有多忙。。。

累，吗？

If I die young.

2011-08-23T01:01:00.000+08:00

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a, bed of roses
Sink me in the river, at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

If i die young bury me in satin lay me down on a bed on a bed of roses sink me in the river at dawn send me away with the words of a love song
Uh oh, uh oh
Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother
She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and
Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
Ain't even grey, but she buries her baby

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had, just enough time

And I'll be wearing white when i come into your kingdom im as green as the ring on my little cold finger, I've never known the lovin of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holdin' my hand there's a boy here in town says that he'll love me forever
Whoever thought forever could be severed by
The sharp knife of a short life well I've had just enough time

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a, bed of roses
Sink me in the river, at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The sharp knife of a short life well I've had just enough time

So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls what I never did is done a penny for my thoughs oh no I'll sell em' for a dollar they worth so much more after I'm a goner and maybe then you'll here the words I've been singing funny when you're dead how people start listen'
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a, bed of roses
Sink me in the river, at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

Uh oh (uh, oh)
The ballad of a dove (uh, oh)
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save them for a time when you're really gonna need 'em, oh
The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had just enough time
So put on your best boys
And I'll wear my pearls

If I die young someday,
please arrange a funeral as described as above for me.
But don't worry, I won't self-suicide.
Since long time ago, I had been think about this question. ' How if one day I died very young?'
And this song lyrics had just come in time to describe my ideal funeral.
I just want to 'leave' peacefully.
And this song did calm my mind the whole night.
Indulging.
People, please drown me with love too.

Love this song. "If I die young' --------The Band Perry

and this cover version from SAM TSUI.

His voice can even bring out the meaning of the song more.
And now he's official on my hunting list....

1st week. 2nd year.

2011-07-30T01:34:00.003+08:00

As what the title say, this gonna be another story telling of what have I done for the past 1 week.

A 2nd year 1st semester student doesn't really come into my mind when I was attending classes these few days. It actually just like another branded new semester for me, mostly referring to 3rd semester instead of Y2S1. I don't like the phrase Y2S1 anyway.

Nothing much to comment also, meet the same faces, follow the same routine and facing the same problem as well.

Money $$$$ paid off for dump books. Luckily got to get second-hand books and it did lighten my burden.

Lots of memorizing works and studies on units taking. Studies have becoming more and more particular, deep and detail. Fine, just accept.

Juniors are fun and adorable. But feel alone when surrounded by them. Just find it hard to fuse into a gang recently.

Lecturers are showing their profession in every lecture class. Got a good feeling and 'm expecting more on this semester.

Friends, still the same gang, same people. Perhaps some won't be around next semester? Who knows.

Old folks. Waiting message from old friends makes me feel like a ~~slut and bitch~~.

Allergic. Skin allergic is the worst. But the point is, who cares? No one will care about you.

Buddies Appreciation Lunch & Mid-Week Mingle are something that can make me feel the connection left between me and the society. Nice food, get to know new friends and relax before the busy days come. So far, joining the buddy program doesn't seem like a bad choice =). It enlighten my days in Monash.

Parties: People around are busying with those parties thingy. Can I don't get myself in?

That's all for the week.

This is encrypted: ***

Hints: _ _ _ _ _-_ _
Feel free to break in.

I'm no longer a but you are.

2011-07-22T22:04:00.000+08:00

Nerd. You are.

Muscle aches and voice raucous.

But everything paid off when I saw the colour hoisting in the air and it raised my spirit.

Just simply love today =).

Read someone's blog and wondering will he/she read my blog regularly or not. Feel so retarded to write blog sometimes. Sigh.
My friend's blog kinda makes me feel emo a bit now when every of his/her word is touching the bottom of my heart. Sigh.

Won 4 big hampers and it's satisfied.
The best decoration, The best chief buddy, The champion of the "last" egg standing and THE BEST SHOWMANSHIP! This is a bit of out of aspect. Well done, my juniors.

Oh yeah, those who ffk, you are on my list now, wahahahahaha......

Art....

2011-07-20T00:53:00.001+08:00

苹果。Apple.

不分肤色。No racism.

相信自己。Have faith.

生命其实很奇妙。Miracle of life.

选择正确的。Choose wisely.

爸爸。Father and son.

鱼骨。Bony.

生活。Life.

我们并不寂寞。We're not alone.

耕耘。Water your plant.

忙里偷闲。Sneak while you can.

冥冥中终有人操控。There's always a reason there.

迷。Lost.

感恩。Appreciate.

别停在顶尖，它不是终点。Endless path.

开始。Starting point.

进化。Evolution.

大自然。Mother of nature.

该做的事。Thing that should be done.

音乐。Music.

小时候。Childhood.

我是八爪鱼。I'm Octopus.

暗恋无罪。Crush.

为自己上色。Colour youself.

伙伴。Soul mate.

它是过去，不是未来。Let it be the past, not the future.

其实每一样都是礼物。Treat everything as a gift.

孤单。Alone.

明灯，使我们强大。Light of hope makes us stronger.

像你，像我。Like you, like me.

雨天。Raining day.

昼与夜。Day and night.

命令。Order.

颜色效应。Colour makes a difference.

犹豫。Up or down?

我们不是你所想象那样。We're not who you think we are.

特出。Special.

出乎预料。Out of expect.

~~Friends are all apart.~~

~~USM, UM, UKM, UPM, UTM, UNIMAS, UMP,UMS...~~

~~Sunway, Taylor, Segi, UCSI, IMU, INTI, Nottingham...~~

~~Australia, India, England, Russia, Korea, New Zealand, Singapore, US, Canada...~~

~~Too much to mention all. You name them.~~

~~Emo....~~

2011-07-13T02:28:00.002+08:00

ALL BY OWN.

Phrase of next 4 months.

Done. With no regrets.

End.ed

2011-07-12T21:18:00.000+08:00

For me, the remarkable day of being a Year One Degree student was actually just ended Two Days ago when my results were announced with no outstanding credit.

Is the end. It's all ended.

Why everything is ending?
I missed the day laying my head across the lines up until midnight.

But nevermind, it will all start again. a Year Two Degree student and a new series of epic novels.

*Out of business: If you just get to know me next semester and I kind of like offend you, it might just simply because I saw you wearing short pants in "somewhere that should be with long pants" when the first time I met you. Respect and Obey.

Dilemma again.

2011-07-02T13:07:00.000+08:00

Should I follow what Course Management told me to do or should I follow my own plan?

Obviously the clash timetable with no class on Friday will be my FIRST choice.
It seems so "delicious" which put me into this dilemma. Sigh.

Double confirmed with course management that SCI 2010 will be available in both semester.
It seems to be another "delicious" condition for me to choose the "delicious"timetable.

But why there is a BIG CLASH between my core subject and the elective I choose???!!!!
Life is never fair enough. Arrgh!

Help me to choose, my peeps. =(

Pictures tell stories.

2011-07-02T01:26:00.000+08:00

Sorry for the late update.
Well people, I'm back for a week but I just realize it.
I think time machine is spoilt.

My cutie bloggie is now officially two years old and I can't believe I actually keep it up for so long.
Congratz to me and Happy birthday to my Bloggie =).

And I know this is a little bit late but yet, better late than never =).

Is actually some small celebration after those damn exam papers.

The 3 sakai :

Me, Gab and Boon Keng went to Empire for the celebration.

Try a number of "first time" within a day.

People might call it "A Day", but sakai called it "An Impromptu".

Here's some pictures:

Eating, shopping, playing and relieving. That's a life should be..

And yet, something happened in the fitting room when shopping. See:

Can you convince your eyes that that's me? I don't even believe that I still wear skirt. LoL...

.......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

And recently I did have a look at those old old albums. I can't believe that small little baby had now turn to be a huge-sized me. The album is like a real time machine, I could see my growing processes with a flip of each pages. I appreciated every moment since my parents had brought me here, luckily no miscarriages or abortion had happened. =)

Admit it people, I know you find ME adorable! I know you just can't deny. haha...
.......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

This little thing is a souvenir that I get it from an old alter-ego after his Taiwan trip. Thanks for remembering me, old folk!

I really appreciate even just a small little piece. =)

Last but not least,

Notice anything?
Actually I just wanna tell you all that my webcam functions not bad and I got no pimples on face.
Believe me?hahaha.....

2011-06-22T00:13:00.000+08:00

I know I will be far away from you.all. One day.

But, I'm trying all my best not to go too far....

I can't do all this step alone.

I need you. all. to step in front too. Even just a step. ....

小丑

2011-06-15T10:39:00.000+08:00

小丑，就是要为人带来欢笑，不管喜不喜欢。。。

小丑，就是要把脸画成花脸的，不管好不好看。。。

小丑，就是只能笑，不管想不想哭。。。

小时候，小朋友们拿走了一粒粒五彩缤纷的气球，
有没有试过回头看看小丑先生？

以上草于30/3/2011。

久违这类的题材，
我今天不懂哪来的勇气和灵感，
一字一字的想把心里的话打出来。

大概在两年前，
这里从一片空白，
慢慢到一篇又一篇的文字编辑，
记载了我的每一个心情。

有远方的思念，
有蓝蓝的情感，
有苦苦的读书经历，
当然还有很无厘头的垃圾文章，
但这一切一切都填满了我这两年的空虚。

从很早以前，这个地方是给我发泄的，
无论是我开心的还是不开心的，
因为我知道我的好朋友都不会时时刻刻陪在我身旁。
生活在不一样的地方，不一样的生活习惯，不一样的生活环境，
很多时候累了，想打通电话谈谈天又怕打扰到别人，
所以渐渐地，我放弃了这个权力，
我放弃了跟旧同学门之间的联系，
渐渐远离他们，越离越远，越远就越离。
是自己读sunway就开始翻脸不认人吗？
不是，我可以大大声的说。
是我感觉害怕，
我不想被当小丑一样，被大家围着，然后问些有的没有的，
小丑，真的不易当。。。

撇开这个不说，
当渐渐习惯了这里的生活后，
我的身体告诉我，我需要交朋友了。
一如以往，我交到的朋友还是男生较多。
朋友和朋友之间开始有互动，有联谊，有交谈，
谁谁谁的面子书，谁谁谁的部落格网址，谁谁谁的msn慢慢得，
就一个个link了起来。

开始的时候当然是过分的上瘾，
直到后来，当大家都养成了一种看朋友部落格的习惯后，
我开始对自己的部落格有所保留。
原因除了怕引起误会外，当然也不想以后写了篇不可思议的文章而隔天被人以异样的眼光看待。
所以，有很多时候会言而有又止，实在让我感觉很不畅快。
偶尔也得化上浓装当起小丑，写了些报喜不报愁的笑话。

小丑，你又曾想要当过的职业吗？
小丑，其实就是一个不被允许在台上给予任何不开心笑容的简称。
也有人认为，这个世界上是不能没有小丑的，因为没有小丑做些傻动作，观众是不会笑得嘻嘻哈哈的。
但我认为不是的。
好比说，在一个团队里。
任何一个人都可以是小丑。啊，不，我应该更正确的说，没有人应该是小丑。
大家生活在一起，为什么你的欢乐要是别人为你筑成呢？
在独自生活的这两年你，问问自己有否当过一天的小丑？

我有。

也许你看不见，
也许你不知道，
也许你不认为，
但，我有。

知道勉强的，我还是照做了。
知道委屈了，我还是照笑了。

看了一个很有个性的小姐的部落格后，
她的勇敢和大胆直言深深地启发了我，
她甚至还很大胆得跟全世界的人说：“我曾经想过要单身”，当然还有背后的种种原因，句句到肉，一针见血。
但是，下个月她将和男朋友庆祝7周年纪念。
我在想，如果我是她男朋友，看到这篇东西后会有什么反应。。。

我知道了，
这里是我的地盘，
小丑的浓妆、笑脸、大鼻子根本不需要，
想要笑就笑，想要哭就哭，想要些什么就写什么，
不需要管别人的眼光，活出自我才最重要。
曾经我还很幼稚的想，别人部落格里的某某是在说我吗？
然后就会整天胡乱猜测，搞到一点心情都没有。
这样的话只会让别人当小丑戏看，惹人笑柄。
所以我的朋友们，不要因为别人的一句话而折磨自己，
那很不值得，因为小丑至少有钱赚，而你没有。

还有，
我的小男朋友，
你也不要再当小丑了好吗？

小丑的一身装扮，你撑得起和有需要撑吗？
想想吧。

Theory of the day....

2011-06-11T23:15:00.000+08:00

Have faith, to all my business friend.. lol

Special thanks to Mr Ong and Mr Cheng who develop this theory.

My friends, you may now laugh if you understand.
Hahaha!

Well, this is my examination symptom. a.k.a, 脑残.

No reason.

2011-05-30T12:26:00.000+08:00

Current addiction: Movie and drama
It is always the same pattern when exam come. I don't know why and this seriously make me feel guilty. But the point is, I wanna watch, can't help!

For the past 1 month, I had done watching 1 Korean drama, more than 6 movies and there's more coming soon. Yes, ~~FML.~~

After re-watch Pirates series for the second time without noticing it, I can't stop myself thinking why beauty Keira Knightley and handsome Orlando Bloom didn't cast for the Pirates 4? How sad, and I can't stop myself thinking for the ending of Pirates 3. "One day on shore, ten years on boat"....But luckily the writer revealed that Will finally get himself off duty as the Captain of Flying Dutchman because of the faithfulness of Elizabeth, and they united. What a wonderful and romantic love story....
Forgive me, I just can't stop myself from that.
Same to what Titanic and Pearl Habour did on me.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

And you know what? Some people around me are sarcastic.
Maybe they think they're in the field of professional and think of people like me aren't.
Maybe they are right, to some extent.
But without people like us, they hardly go further.
Can I make a sarcastic conclusion too? Without people like us for research, the world will die from diseases.
Okies, I'm sarcastic too. So, I didn't blame on those professional, as we are on the different path.
Sarcasm and stereotype..

Okie, done crappy stuff.

Let's talk about Chemistry.

Oh yay, I have 9 past year papers in hand and I have to sit down there, starring on the paper and think very long for a question. Yes, this is me when dealing with a Monash CHM 1022 paper, how can I do 20 over pages of exam paper in just three hours???. Sucks.

While dealing with it, I might think that why should I do all these stuffs? Why don't I just enter some XXX Uni and do some easier paper? Who know that I might enter some gold list or dean list or premier list or platinum list or president list, rite?

lol people, don't make it too serious, I just kidding here to relax myself.

I gonna watch more movies for the reason:
1) Desperate
2) Desperate
3) Desperate
4) Desperate and
5) Depress...

Red Riding Hood

Water For The Elephant.

Pirates of The Caribbean 4

Harry Potter and the Deathly Horrow part 2 (both 2D&3D)

Transformer 3: Dark of Moon

X-men first class

Guess what? It's just movie season.

Movie maker like to make money. They like to make movie for many many episodes. Suspected Thor 2 and I'm Number Four 2, FF6 and blah blah blah. LMAO.

No longer a Nerd...

2011-05-26T00:07:00.000+08:00

Yes, 24/5/2011 morning, a sudden idea popped out from mind. Totally random.

"Chiew, when can register for the orientation buddy program? I wanna join."

Yes. A simple question. Popping out early in the morning. Without any pre-symptom.

Yes. I joined it. Believe your eyes.

I had been a nerd for almost two years. I guess it's time to end this nerdy journey.

Yeah.

Feel too excited now,

I even stalk some of the MUFY juniors.lols...

Too bad, I stalked one of them, a handsome one but not my school. Too bad Too bad Too bad...

I gonna be senior soon!

I wanna see many cutie and handsome juniors joining my school!

I can share tips with you guys on how to skip classes and "do" MasteringBio smartly....hiak hiak

Arrrghhh, can't wait to see them.

I feel that I did something right.

I shouldn't be a nerd anymore.

This is a great head start. =)

I wanna learn something that's out of books!

I already had my target, just wait the time to come through...

And I wanna challenge Chris on how often he will update his blog. I wish he can see this!

One more final little thing. Did I look like someone who study IT??????!!!!!!!!

That's the very first and surprising answer from Mr. Wan BK. lols...

(你的眼光真“特别”）

*Three jackpot in my life:

1) When half of me still a little sperm

2) When I'm offered with this University

3) When I meet my love, Mr. Gabrial Ong....=)

My new pet

2011-05-25T01:27:00.000+08:00

This is him, my new puppy at home =)
It looks cuter than Doggy but yet I still feel that Doggy is a way more handsome =)

I gonna name my new and cute puppy as Mika no matter who oppose it. No way. It's Mika a.k.a Michael.

Couldn't believe that Doggy had left me for almost two months but yet I still feel his existence, always, as he never leave me ever.
I love my puppies. YeaH...

When emo-ness strikes...

2011-05-19T22:13:00.000+08:00

You probably can't figure out how I feel now.

When a dreamer stop hoping for a better future...
When a dreamer stop fighting for her dream...
When a dreamer's everything seems to freeze at this moment...

I'm tired.
But no one knows....

When a mixture of physical tiredness and the emotional unstableness with a little bit of mental-thinking-imbalance-ness, there's the time when emo-ness strikes me up to the very high high peak, or can be describe as my body best absorption of emo-ness at this period. Okies, done crapping.

Let's talk about money.
My description of money:
Enough is done. No discrimination on others people income. There's only worth or not worth. Worth as in enjoy while working, there's more important. Sorry people, I feel offended when people judging my future career, cause you won't know how hard I started the first step.

And people around makes me feel frustrated, and friends and life and more and more and more....
I don't know how to express out...
I have not idea how to release stress...

When you care about everything but no one wanna mind it, this indicates the time that should let go.....

婚礼。。。

2011-04-30T17:00:00.000+08:00

现在全球最hit的话题莫过于Prince William 的婚事了。

活在这个年头的我，
错过了北京2008奥运会，
错过了南非2010足球世界杯，
甚至还错过了威廉王子的婚事，
我看恐怕也赶不上英国2012奥运会。。。

活在这个小国的我，
错过的东西还是实在太多了，
但多谢伟大的发明家给我们带来的无线电，雷达，卫星等通讯工具，
才不至于造成更大的遗憾。。。
还真的头一次谢谢物理的存在。。。

虽然不是特别的期待，
但还是守在电视机前，观看了这一场耗资2亿3300万零吉的王家世纪婚礼。。。

翻看资料，离Princess Diana的婚礼已经是三十年前的事。
29.7.1981, 她，那位漂亮的王妃，在全球人的见证下，结婚了。
29.4.2011, 她的儿子，也在全球人的见证下，跟一位真的“平民”，完婚了。
为什么都是29号？是巧合，还是经过安排？那真的不懂了。。。

备受瞩目的世纪一吻，
也在众人的期待下，也献上了。

看完后虽然没被感染得很厉害，
但还是祝福他们幸福快乐。。。

但我们还是会永远怀念已故“平民公主”Princess Diana，

她的美，她的好，她的笑。。。

p/s: 还没错过的，还有哈利王子。。。加油=）

Days of number...

2011-04-30T01:40:00.001+08:00

Day 17
Before revealing the stories of the previous many many days, I gotta say that, Day 17 is officially a dateline for myself from avoiding something. Guess what, I survived from days-without-FACEBOOK for the past 17 days. People might think that "it's just nothing", but yet, this marks a great step for me.
Next time I might challenge "days-without-internet" (highest record-2 weeks) or "days-without-laptop" (highest record-4 days).

Day 16
Today, a horrible day. Staying in West-coast of peninsular Malaysia, being a 20 years old teenager, I never experience on any flooding cases in my hometown KAMPAR, I mean whole. Thunder after thunder and I'm all alone at home. Gosh, that part kills me.
Flooding

I miss my baby teddy =(

see, so cute....

Day 15
Being the only free people in this house, I was asked to accompany mum for medical checkup. Boring for the whole day and doing nothing actually.

Nothing, just being super duper random!

Day 12-14
Starts my holidays but yet I'm still studying my Chemistry due to the fact that I am officially a kaki ponteng this semester and I had left many chapters behind unrevised. Shouldn't student to be enjoying their holidays happily without any distraction from education stuff? And Monash is being so kind to announce the exam timetable for us during this semester break. Great isn't?

My timetable. I shouldn't blame.

And these few days I like to listen this song...

This version is not a bad choice too =)...

Day 11
I had been hoping for the arrival of this day since 8 weeks ago. No because today is Easter day, but is the day when my dad is coming to fetch me back home. I miss home a lot.
All the way back to North, I didn't even put on any song. I chatted a lot with dad. That's our golden time. I love my dad....

Went to Honeymoon with Uncle Ong for some dessert earlier before that. Tell you all, these taste not bad! I'm lovin' it =)

One more thing to mention, I got a weird mail from Monash about the Golden Key thingy.

This is the thing. LoL....

Day 9
Unexpected Biology Lab canceled. Went to Sunway Pyramid (as usual) for lunch which is around 2.30pm. Makan sushi again at SAKAI.

I love food, so do you?? and someone say there will be no more sushi until the end of year. Really? I doubt so...

Random: 每一次回到家,家里摆满的,总是我爱吃的菜. 今天想吃的,每天就会出现. 我觉得好幸福,你呢?

Day 8..Mixture.

2011-04-19T23:57:00.000+08:00

Believe your eyes, this is my Uni, Monash....
The student association is taking some "aggressive"action against it.

Well, I hate cafeteria too.
But sometimes no choice, I had to eat at there.
I'll avoid eating at there as much as I can unless necessary.

The hottest issue in school now: Food of cafeteria.
The battle had started like about 2 weeks ago?
I can't really remember, I just hope everything can end ASAP.

My desire is rather simple: nicer food or reasonable price. Choose one.

And one more suggestion: Can we have some food shall for vegetarian? I just being considerable.

*sometimes, while I'm sitting inside lecture hall, I'll think of local uni students. What if I'm one of them? Where will I be now? Negeri9? Terengganu? or Kelantan? Will my friends in local uni having the same thoughts like me in terms of political view? What kind of system are they receiving? What comes to their mind when viewing the world as whole? How do they do analysis on everything? Will they be influenced by some racism thinking? How, what, why, where, who....anything....

* I had a dream that night. I dreamed of two of my friends who currently at somewhere out of Malaysia now back to Malaysia. They smiled happily in my dream. I really miss them. It is like about two years since I last met them.

* After Mr. YF, Ms. JY and Ms. MY went to AUS and NZ, my perception towards foreign students had totally changed. Everytime when I wanna had "bad impression" and categorized them as bad people, I think of my friends before I did. I try to make some of the "good impression"and minimize my prejudice once I met a foreign students. Thinking them as a student like my friends who just wanna gain knowledge from the piece of land is not that hard actually, as I know good and bad people doesn't categorize based on nationality. Hope that people at AUS and NZ do the same thing like me.

After all, I still like my Kuma.

Nothing much,

just like my title....

A mixture of body, heart and soul......

Nites, readers and dear.

Day 7..Facts.

2011-04-19T01:00:00.001+08:00

Okay people, let's once again, forget about Day 6..lol

This post is for some of the facts that I had come across these few days.

Fact no.1: Most people use only about 10 percent of their brain. Sorry, this is not true! Every part of your brain is actually functioning and sometimes all come together for certain action. Believe it, this is your brain! Stop blaming that why you aren't as smart as others, there should be others reason too.....

Fact no.2: Who knows that human's brain is actually not the biggest on Earth? Try elephant, but stay calm, it doesn't mean anything wrong to your intelligent level!

Fact no.3: Human brain is grey in color. No, no, no, it is actually a mixture of white, red, pink and black colors. But the point is, where's yellow????

Fact no.4: Heart is the center of all kind of emotion including sadness and heartbroken. Heart actually do nothing but control by your brain to increase heartbeat where you feel "heartbroken". Try use "brain-broken" next time.

Fact no.5: Robert Frost once said:"The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office". Does this mean brain is hardworking? I think heart is the most hardworking organ!. Imagine one day your heart come and ask for MC. You will died immediately. So, fact no.5, don't forget your heart too. You can have "yellow"in brain, but not "yellow" in heart. (Don't know what I meant? Check your traffic light colors)

Fact no.6: Who knows how Shiledtox/ King Coil Spray functions on cockroachs? It will increase a chemical named Acetylcholine in cockroachs, causing them having uncontrolled motor activity which eventually kills them. You think everytime the cockroachs are struggling before died? No! They're "hyperactive-ing"!

Fact no.7: The last facts, fact of the day. Rat poison can kills dog. Trust me, it's a truth. And now I gonna tell the whole world. I WANNA CURSE THAT PERSON WHO USE RAT POISON TO POISON MY DOG WILL HAVE MANY MANY MANY FAT MOUSES & RATS& MICES IN HIS/HER HOUSE!!!!!!!!! I don't care how it's gonna be. I just know my 7-months-dog who doesn't know how to lift his leg while pee-ing died because of YOU idiotic person. I hate you. x(

Extra point: Who knows that Darwin is 达尔文? iDk...lol

Day 5

2011-04-17T00:42:00.000+08:00

We should forget the past, right?
Forget about Day 4, that I had forgotten to update....

Forgive me.
Forget myself....

Day 3...失败？

2011-04-15T01:08:00.000+08:00

大家都应该知道爱迪生是谁吧。。。

就是那位发明大王，爱迪生啦。。。

当他发明了电灯泡后，他就从此出名了。。。
有一天，当他接受访问时，记者问道，
“爱迪生先生，你经过了999次的实验失败后才终于发现到导电体，那你对自己一路来的辛酸有什么感言？”

爱迪生回答说：“失败？我没失败过呀。我发现了999种不能导电的绝缘体。。。”

很多时候，
失败往往让人看成是成功的负面。。。

有时候，
把你的目标转一下，
你会学到更多。。。

Day 2, the THREESOME....

2011-04-14T01:14:00.000+08:00

Yes, it's day 2!

The Threesome: Me, Gab, Ah Boon
Venue: Sushi King, Sunway Pyramid
Date: 13/4/2011
Time: 3pm-4pm
Aim: Makan gao gao until Sushi King bankrap

Full house of SUSHI......xP

The threesome....lol

Too bad, I already start missing my Baby Octopus...

And this is my shoes.....^^

And for the second time....

Due to some "I also don't know what reason", I bought this book...

And I swear I will finish it...

I always saw people watching movie while I'm so busy with my tests, assignments, quizzes or whatever.

I saw people reading novel. That very annoying person left everything for me to do while he/she is enjoying him/herself reading novel. I pissed off.

I did have my own novel and movie to watch! I don't care anymore, I wanna set my mind free for awhile.
Stop giving me your black face, I'm not responsible to do everything done& correct&prefect for you. No one owe you. We communicate and share; you come, and occupy everything. Sorry, no way......

1st day...

2011-04-13T01:28:00.001+08:00

First of all, I want to say CONGRATULATION to my friend who get his offer!

Congratz! Although it's like expected, but yet still happy for you, getting your own likey course is not easy ^^.

Well, today is the first day...

I make a commitment with Lord, and I will hold it all along...

Just want to ask a question, WHO THE HELL ON EARTH OUTSIDE THERE KNOW I GOT TEST THIS WEEK WHICH WORTH 7.5% OUT OF 100%???

Ans: No one...

Even you, you and you.....no one...

3 quizzes, 2 reports, 800 words journal, 1000 words assignment, 800 words assignment, the very annoying test and never ending REPUTABLE citation, you try it.

My mood swing these few day...

You think my mood will be like this???

or this???

I think is should be like that just like how the share price graph does! Is complicate and combination!

ARRRRggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't come near to me!

And after million times of requests from me to mum, she finally sent me these.....

Believe your eyes, they are the same dog....I miss him so much...

Who the hell on Earth know I miss my home very much? Did I shown on my face? idk.....

I never expect people to understand my works, as I know everyone has their stories....

This is just day one....there are more coming up.....

And I found these, I feel the future is so far.....Click me, surprise you

Progress...

2011-04-04T02:55:00.000+08:00

Can't really believe that I'm actually still awake at this moment...

Due to my very first Nescafe Regular in the middle of night?
Not really....

People say I work hard, isn't?
Not really...
And there's the reason why I'm here now...

I need to work harder...
To prevent something unpleasant that happened yesterday...

Sitting in front of lappy,
wondering whether printerS at Monash Library will function tomorrow?
as what Chai said: "even Microsoft need a break".
How if printer do need a break?
Which mean I wouldn't need to pass up my reports tomorrow...
Even Demo need a break too, but why they didn't do?lol...~~(actually not in the mood of lol-ing)~~

How I wish there's someone walking out of her room now, even just to toilet..
At this very moment,
I need a living organism as I'm bored with my cacat printer.

Everything is in progress, silently, but aggressively....
My printer takes her ~~break~~ brake,
Microsoft takes his ~~break~~ brake,
I wonder when my lappy takes her brake too, as I use her more than 12 hours a day and 365 days a year...

Progress, progress and progress...
My homework progress,
My study progress,
My assignment progress,
My brain protest....
(no point isn't?)
How I wish I can say a foul word now but I really can't make it out....F*

Everything is in progress, even friendship did so, in a backward direction...

Everything is in progress...

Everything is in progress...

But, where's dream and future?

Still left behind??

Wondering.....

I'm alive....

2011-04-02T00:31:00.000+08:00

look at the STAR above...
perfect...
pretty, charming, energetic, nice vocal, wonderful family, loyal fans...
so ALIVE..

while this will never apply on me...
lifeless.....

扛不住...

2011-03-27T17:27:00.000+08:00

From the book that I "read" the most...

1.当眼泪流尽的时候，留下的应该是坚强。

2.与其用泪水悔恨今天，不如用汗水拼搏今天。

3.选择自己所爱的，爱自己所选择的。

4.人生就像一杯没有加糖的咖啡，喝起来是苦涩的，回味起来却有久久不会退去的余香。

5.有一种缘，放手后成为风景，有一颗心，坚持中方现真诚。

6.不求与人相比，但求超越自己，要哭就哭出激动的泪水，要笑就笑出成长的性格。

7.这一秒不放弃，下一秒就会有希望。

8.曾经拥有的不要忘记，难以得到的更要珍惜，属于自己的不要放弃，已经失去的留作回忆。

9.没有人陪你走一辈子，所以你要适应孤独，没有人会帮你一辈子，所以你要奋斗一生。

10.喜欢就该珍惜，珍惜就别放弃。

11.人生就是一场旅行，不在乎目的地，在乎的应该是沿途的风景以及看风景的心情。

12.靠山山会倒，靠人人会跑，只有自己最可靠。

13.为你的难过而快乐的是敌人，为你的快乐而快乐的是朋友，为你的难过而难过的才是你的知己。

14.如果爱，请深爱；如不爱，请离开。

15.只要心中有希望存在，就有幸福存在。

16. 人都是逼出来的。

17. 如果你简单，这个世界就对你简单。

18. 人生没有彩排，每一天都是现场直播。

19. 是金子总会发光。

20. 人生如果错了方向，停止就是进步。

21. 自己选择的路，就算跪着也要走完。

22. 别后悔。因为在那个时间点上，它绝对是你真正想要的。

我是真的扛不住？还是逼出来？

idk.....

我,回来了...

2011-03-23T18:14:00.002+08:00

真正的朋友，
不一定是时常陪着你的那位。。。

一些很小的事情,

一些很小的举动

让我知道，我还活着。。。

外面的世界很复杂，

很多时候会活得很累。。。

很多事情需要学会，

很多场面需要面对。。。

谢谢你这位好朋友，

让我知道什么是朋友。。。

感动

在外头给人欺负也是无可奈何，

我只是想说能帮的我都会帮，

能做的我都会做，

但是忍让是有限度的。。。

我的性格不是那么容易让人欺负的，

还是旧朋友比较知道。。。

有些东西我还在坚持着，

我不会放弃。。。

经过两年时间的洗礼，

两年养尊处优的状态，

我只想告诉大家。。。

我，回来了。。。。

Love the way I live....

2011-03-20T01:24:00.001+08:00

Life just as busy as expected...
Or even worst...

4 subjects, 4 assignments, 4 quizzes all due in one week time.
Seriously, "they" kinda drive me near to Hell,
but yet all these still haven't reach that point.

4 assignments, 3 down.
4 quizzes, 3 down.

Keep me busy for weeks and I never notice that life had gone that fast.
It's now week 4 and almost a month in school.
And I have just noticed that.

I just love the way I stay at these moment..
I'm able to do things now.
I'm able to know all the due dates for all assignment now.
I'm able to do quizzes alone now.(~~besides chem, lol~~)
I'm able to do things without hum now.
I'm more myself now.

I'm more like a student now.
I walk to school everyday now.
I plan every thing for myself everyday now.
I just the love things bring me upside down.
Because all these make me grown up.

No matter how many works that are waiting to bring me down to Hell.

I just want things to keep me busy.

Busy,
busy,
and busy....

~~so that I can forget I'm no longer accompany by him anymore.....~~

more and more....

Busy dying, or busy living..
I choose the back...

Care

2011-03-15T00:03:00.000+08:00

I care He.

He cares Him.

Him cares His.

His cares Her.

I care Him.

He cares His.

His cares Him.

Him cares He.

Her cares His.

I care His.

Him cares He.

Then who care me?

吃苦

2011-03-11T12:19:00.000+08:00

经济衰退，通货膨胀，每个人都叫苦连天。。。

可是，这真的是苦吗？

汽油涨价，车子每天照走。。。
煤气涨价，饭店照开。。。
盐糖涨价，患心脏甜尿的人依然没减。。。
没钱用又能怎样？地球每天依然转动。。。
~~（至少我现在还没听到因为通货膨胀而要全家自杀的家庭）~~

日子再难过，只要一家人完完整整在一起，没有所谓的苦日子。。。
日子再苦，一家人在一起总好过拥有千万家产却每天独守空屋。。。

如果你是跟我差不多年龄的朋友，
如果你到现在都还没有靠自己赚过一分钱的话，
那么你真的没有资格学人家叫苦连天，
你实在是个太幸福的小孩了。。。

不要跟我说你在吃苦，如果你还在读书。
不要跟我说你生活很苦，如果你在向着你的梦想前进着。
没有人的生活能比一位希望破灭、识字不多，再加身无分文的人活得更苦。
他们比任何一个人，为了生活，更没有目的，更没有意思，更像一条死鱼。。

曾经，我遇过一对夫妇，
年纪也应该上70以上。
每一天，我看见他们在路边收纸皮变卖当生活费，
每一天，风雨不改。。。
被孩子抛弃，目不识丁，两位阿公阿妈下雨衣服被淋湿了都没有衣服换，
而且还有anti-socialize 的情况，
即使有热心人士的帮忙，
在他们的眼里，帮助他们的人，都是一些想要伤害他们的人。。。
我想，要不是为了身边的老伴，
其中一人应该早已登天，没眼看世界。。。

苦，每个人都会尝试着，
但是，现在吃着的苦是不是真的就让你苦这么一世？

朋友，请相信我，
不是的，真得不是的。
苦，是个必经的过程，
为什么人只会投诉苦太苦，
而没有人会投诉甜太甜？

朋友，
站在自己的角色岗位上，
把苦当成是一种特色甜品吧。

特色甜品，特色人生。
有苦才知道甜的味道。
去好好恋爱去。。。

苦？不苦。。。

Mo-phobia...

2011-02-25T02:05:00.000+08:00

Yes, guess what?

Mo-phobia= MONASH PHOBIA
~~(which I'm currently having problem with it)~~

I don't wanna go back.......

don't wanna don't wanna don't wanna

don't wanna

don't wanna don't wanna don't wanna don't wanna

don't wanna

~~don't wanna~~

don't wanna

don't wanna don't wanna DON'T WANNA

don't wanna ~~don't wanna~~

don't wanna ~~don't wanna~~ don't wanna

don't wanna don't wanna

don't wanna don't wanna don't wanna

don't wanna don't wanna don't wanna

don't wanna

don't wanna don't wanna don't wanna don't wanna

DON'T WANNA don't wanna don't wanna

don't wanna don't wanna don't wanna don't wanna don't wanna

don't wanna ~~don't wanna~~ don't wanna

go back....

囧。。。

黑，白，红

2011-02-21T01:55:00.000+08:00

人的一生中，
不管你是好人还是坏人，
总会招惹些不三不四的绯闻，
即时你是个任劳任怨，不折不扣的呆子，
也不会例外，
要知道这世界的人实在太多了。。。

白色，
给人的感觉总是干净和纯洁，
却忘记白光是折射出七色彩虹的源头，
那么，
白，究竟有多白？

人，总是会有被人误解的时候，
有的人一生人只被人误会一次，
有些人则没那么幸运。。
很可惜的，
我没想到这一天的到来，
会在我人生出现得那么的频密，
而且还那么的靠近心灵。。。

你可以说我是个不听话的小孩，
但多谢父母给我的这份自由,
让我建立自己独特的思路，
让我用自己的角度去看生活，
而不是麻木地相信身边每个人跟我说所谓的事实。。。

这世界不是只有黑和白而已，
为什么人就是要硬硬把每件事都分成只有两种而已？？？？

人，
为什么就是不能用理智分析事情的前因后果？
为什么就是不能换个角度看世界？
为什么就是不能抛开社会的成见？
我承认人有缺点，
但如果要讨厌/针对一个人之前先想想这些问题，
我想人与人之间会少很多矛盾与纠纷。。。

虽然我不是很小，
但我希望比我年长的朋友们思想能够比较成熟，
我不能接受你们幼稚的做法，
那太可笑了。。。

被人误会固然心痛，
但最叫人心痛的是可能从此失去一份贵重的关系。
而我，
不会反驳，
只想静静地，默默地，
不做些什么，因为我认为信任破碎了就无法禰补。。。

有人说：
“人的眼睛是黑黑的，心是红红的；但当眼睛是红红时，心就变得黑黑了”。。
好一针见血的话，好恨。。。
我好明白当中意思。。。

黑，白，红三种颜色的配搭是我多么喜欢的,
但现实生活中，
这三种颜色是多么得让人觉得可怕。。。

有许多人一生奔波为的只是分清黑白，辨认是非，
却悚然不知黑黑白白，是是非非本属一家，
只是看你用什么心态和角度去面对。。。
而红，只是“眼红”一个人就已经够折磨你了。。。

人，
要做到对是非黑白不闻不问是件很难的事，
但只要自己活得开心就好，
因为命是你自己的，不为谁而活，
黑白红的事最好少管、少理、少介意，
那么这就够了。。。

黑夜，衬托出繁华的城市。。。
白天，衬托出七色的彩虹。。。

senses...

2011-02-19T01:00:00.000+08:00

I did sensed...

Someone is not happy.

I don't know why,
maybe is the presence of me.
maybe i keep on talking.
maybe i keep saying nonsense.

My friends,
I just wanna join.
Please don't ignore me.
I do want you to feel happy when i'm around.
Just pay more patient on me.

I'm just hoping it.

Love =ZoeY= more please..

我是可怜虫。。。

From the book of face again....

2011-02-16T01:56:00.005+08:00

1.生活里，有很多转瞬即逝，像在车站的告别，刚刚还相互拥抱，转眼已各自天涯。很多时候，你不懂，我也不懂，就这样，说着说着就变了，听着听着就倦了，看着看着就厌了，跟着跟着就慢了，走着走着就散了，爱着爱着就淡了，想着想着就算了。

2.其时，我很累了，我习惯假装坚强，习惯了一个人面对所有，我不知道自己到底想怎么样。有时候我可以很开心的和每个人说话，可以很放肆的，可是却没有人知道，那不过是伪装，很刻意的伪装；我可以让自己很快乐很快乐，可是却找不到快乐的源头，只是傻笑。

3.有时候，莫名的心情不好，不想和任何人说话，只想一个人静静的发呆。有时候，夜深人静，突然觉得不是睡不着，而是固执地不想睡。有时候，听到一首歌，就会突然想起一个人。有时候，别人突然对你说，我觉得你变了，然后自己开始百感交集。——丢了的自己，只能慢慢捡回来。

4.没有人有耐心听你讲完自己的故事，因为每个人都有自己的话要说；没有人喜欢听你抱怨生活，因为每个人都有自己的苦痛；世人多半寂寞，这世界愿意倾听，习惯沉默的人，难得几个。——我再也不想对别人提起自己的过往，那些挣扎在梦魇中的寂寞，荒芜，还是交给时间，慢慢淡漠。

5.假如爱情可以解释，誓言可以修改。假如，你我的相遇，可以重新安排。那么，生活就会比较容易。假如有一天，我终于能将你忘记。然而，这不是随便传说的故事。也不是明天才要上演的戏剧。我无法找出原稿，然后，将你一笔抹去。

6.有人告诉我，鱼的记忆只有7秒，7秒之后它就不记得过去的事情，一切又都变成新的。所以，在那小小鱼缸里的鱼儿，永远不会感到无聊。我宁愿是条鱼，7秒一过就什么都忘记，曾经遇到的人，曾经做过的事，都可以烟消云散。可我不是鱼，无法忘记我爱的人，无法忘记牵挂的苦，无法忘记相思的痛。

7一个人总要走陌生的路，看陌生的风景，听陌生的歌。最后你会发现，原本费尽心机想要忘记的事情真的就那么忘记了。

8.所谓练习微笑，不是机械地挪动你的面部表情，而是努力地改变你的心态，调节你的心情。学会平静地接受现实，学会对自己说声顺其自然，学会坦然地面对厄运，学会积极地看待人生，学会凡事都往好处想。这样，阳光就会流进心里来，驱走恐惧，驱走黑暗，驱走所有

9.心理学家推荐的能让你开心的事：每天拍几张照片；看快乐的电影；在周末的清晨做白日梦；给朋友寄卡片；在水边散步；偶尔吃一顿大餐；每星期坚持做一次锻炼；一边开车，一边大声歌唱；一边喝咖啡，一边读小说；一边打电话，一边信手涂鸦；一边洗澡，一边唱歌。

10.你见，或者不见我，我就在那里，不悲不喜；你念，或者不念我，情就在那里，不来不去；你爱，或者不爱我，爱就在那里，不增不减；你跟，或者不跟我，我的手就在你的手里，不舍不弃。——来我的怀里，或者让我住进你的心里，默然相爱，寂静欢喜。

11.曾经在某一个瞬间，我们以为自己长大了，有一天，我们终于发现，长大的含义除了欲望还有勇气和坚强，以及某种必须的牺牲。——在生活的面前我们还都是孩子，其实我们从未长大还不懂得爱和被爱。

因为爱过，所以慈悲；因为懂得，所以宽容。

12.一生至少该有一次，为了某个人而忘了自己，不求有结果，不求同行，不求曾经拥有，甚至不求你爱我，只求在我最美的年华里，遇到你。

13.有些伤口，时间久了就会慢慢长好；有些委屈，受过了想通了也就释然了；有些伤痛，忍过了疼久了也成习惯了……然而却在很多孤独的瞬间，又重新涌上心头。——其实，有些藏在心底的话，并不是故意要去隐瞒，只是，并不是所有的疼痛，都可以呐喊。

14.最佳的报复不是仇恨，而是打心底发出的冷淡，干嘛花力气去恨一个不相干的人。

15.遇到一件事，如果你——喜欢它，那么享受它；不喜欢，那么避开它；避不开，那么改变它；改不了，那么接受它；接受不下，那么处理它；难以处理，那么就放下它。——其实，人最难的是“放下”。放下了，就释然了。

16.可以一个人唱歌，一个人喝咖啡，一个人涂鸦，一个人旅行，一个人逛大街，一个人在雨中漫步，一个人听音乐，一个人自言自语，一个人发呆，一个人跳舞，一个人看电视，一个人翻杂志……只有爱，是自己一个人做不到的。

17.人一简单就快乐，一世故就变老。

18.感情再深，恩义再浓的朋友，天涯远隔，情义，终也慢慢疏淡。——不是说彼此的心变了，也不是说不再当对方是朋友，只是，远在天涯，喜怒哀乐不能共享。——原来，我们已是遥远得只剩下问候，问候还是好的，至少我们不曾把彼此忘记。

19.世界上最凄绝的距离是两个人本来距离很远，互不相识，忽然有一天，他们相识，相爱，距离变得很近。然后有一天，不再相爱了，本来很近的两个人，变得很远，甚至比以前更远。

20.如果你看到面前的阴影，别怕，那是因为你的背后有阳光。

~~怎么最近总是发生不开心的事，~~

~~真的很累。。。~~

~~心力交碎。。。~~

~~我不想再被欺压，~~

~~所以我决定，~~

~~成为一位铁女子。。。~~

~~凡是只听不问，~~

~~凡是只做不问，~~

~~凡是能忍者忍，~~

~~以延续不屈不挠，不折不扣的精神。~~

~~我相信，~~

~~无论环境多么的恶劣，是非有多么的多，~~

~~人只要安守本分，~~

~~抱着一颗无害人之心，~~

~~凡事能忍着忍，~~

~~上天是不会让你衰到要讨吃的。~~

~~打从我小学开始，~~

~~我就知道我以后人生的所有东西都必须靠我自己的双手赚回来，~~

~~我不喜欢抢，~~

~~也不喜欢斤斤计较，~~

~~我是理智豪爽派，~~

~~能用钱解决的小问题会毫不吝啬，~~

~~不属于自己的东西也不会去贪，~~

~~因为我知道，我有资格，有能力赚回来。~~

~~我想告诉大家，~~

~~我，不会跟人抢，~~

~~也不会跟人争，~~

~~我只想一家和气平安，~~

~~我要的，我父母要的，我会靠自己双手赚回来，~~

~~绝不贪人一分一毫。。。~~

~~我只求和气，~~

~~父母安心，~~

~~家人安康，~~

~~兄弟姐妹相亲相爱。。。~~

~~人，最重要就是要安守本分。。。~~

Walk through this pain...

2011-02-13T23:12:00.001+08:00

I had left a message on Facebook.

"Give a big slap on face, wake me up to take the pain."

ya, I really mean it.

There's no a single word to express my feeling now.

It had been expected how the story gonna end, truly with an usual heart,

But yet, heartache-ing had took its turn in return.

Even in a more painful way.

She's a great woman .

The GREATEST one that I had ever seen.

She taught me the strength of her will to survive ,

to fight with the Death before going to paradise,

just to meet all her lovely children and I.

Can you imagine how's a 76 years old lady,

having big tumors inside her body,

manage to walk every of her single step lonely,

trying to tell the world that she is healthy.

She's the one that I respect the most.

She loved all her 18 grandchildren more than you can say.

She always do things in her stubborn way,

but days staying with her were the happiest day.

Although she is ignorance,

but she had taught me what life is about.

Her stubbornness, her passion, her patient, her independent...

All how I wish I could inherit these from her.

Ah Boy and Zhih Wan cousins are going to graduate soon,

too bad you wouldn't have see this forever.

Once I had promised you,

to make you proud of me,

when I put my "four-square-hat" on head,

Together with you in a snap,

But I know it now, there's the day that never come,

Just like the moon and the sun.

To my Dearest Grandma, I love you no matter where you've gone.

=ZoeY=

Grandma

© Michele S. Reeves

Grandma,
A baby cradled in your arms...
Teaching me your gentle charms.
Growing up with you by my side...
Learning from you never to lie.
To understand and not judge too...
Love and kindness I also learned from you.
Through the years you watched me grow...
Teaching me everything I'd need to know.
Listening to every word I've said...
And every word I've wrote you've read.
You've been there for me to the end...
Until the day for you, God did send.
Now you watch me from up above...
Shining down on me your heavenly love.
I will miss you with all my heart...
Thank you for being there from the start.

Knowing you wouldn't be able to read this forever,

I'm so glad to be you grandchildren.

All I can do is to meet you in next life,

to continue to be your grandchild again....

Those time that we shared,

I'm walking out from this pain...love...

默默

2011-02-06T12:28:00.000+08:00

至Mr.T，

还记得你答应过的事吗？
你说两年。。
可别忘了这个承诺，
那是你让我相信的理由。。。
明天就要飞走了，
收到礼物了吧？
你可别哭哦，我会笑你的。。。
我会叫Ms.Q 看着你。。。
在你离开之前，
请你把答应过三只小猫的事情做好，好吗？
不要不回来噢，我毕业了你都还没有毕业，
小心你final year我飞过去找你算账！

至Ms.H,

摸着你的双手，
我知道，
这是一双魔力手。。。
还记得三年前的voodoo dolls 吗？
你的双手总是能做出让人惊讶的事情。。。
外面的世界很大，
我相信你的双手能画出为着世界添加色彩的元素。。。

你们两位先生小姐可真的厉害得很，
能让我很不失体地在大庭广众失控，
this is all because you two mentioned the word 2/3 years.

还记得一年半之前，
我写了我的第一篇post，
那里我提到了一句话，
~~“真的很不舍得让你们走，要保持联络噢。。还有你，洁杏。。。互联网友谊展开。。。”~~
还来不及察觉时间流逝如此快的我，
今天终于接受了你们必须离开的事实。。。

如果用Ms.S离开的时间作为标准的话，
一年的时间其实也不难过，
我相信两年、三年的时间也不会很难挨。。。

Ms.H,
才发现我和你的合照并不多，
是一件遗憾的事。。。
不要怪我会变得冷漠，不爱讲话，
那是因为我知道，
你身边的好姐妹对你很好，
所以我选择站在外面。。。
星星，总是要在远处看才会发光发热的，对吗？
不要被我吓到了，
我比较情绪化。。。=）

Mr.T and Ms.H,
就算我们没有无所不谈，
就算你们最甜的回忆里没有我，
我还是会说：“你们是我的好朋友”。。

我宁愿当个路人甲，
那你们就不会因为我难过而难过。。。

我们在不同的国家，
为自己的梦想努力奋斗吧！

梦醒时分，
难眠。。。
有着千言万语要说，
可是，实在无法表达。。。

虽然时间能让思念减低，
但害怕，
时间把你们给我的最后一个笑容也带走。。。
我只想默默。。

呼吸。。。

2011-01-23T23:33:00.000+08:00

我呼吸着，
一口充满一氧化碳的空气，
发现一切变了，
发现我很久没有在地方呼吸了，
发现我很久没有认真地呼吸过了。。。

家乡一切一切都变了，
以为回家可以吸进一口我怀念的味道，
才发现失去了。。。

选择

2011-01-14T22:22:00.000+08:00

我，越靠近梦想，越发现现实的无奈。。。

我，越靠近梦想，越觉得自己的选择是对的。。。

中学的时候，最喜欢的一首poem，除了William Shakespeare的Sonnet 18 以外，最爱的，就是Robert Frost的The Road Not Taken。。。

正如诗中所说的，人生有很多很多个选择,
每一条路看起来都十分的吸引，
每一条路看起来都充满未知的变数。

一个抱着玩玩的选择，

给我带来了第二次认真考虑的机会，
而这次，我觉得我做对了。。
开始的时候，还会问问自己，
“这样做，对吗？”
我相信像18岁那种岁数的朋友们，
都会质疑自己的选择是否是正确的，害怕错过些什么、浪费些什么似的。。。

以前曾经有过一段时间，
我很依赖这一首The Road Not Taken，
我曾经很怀疑自己的选择，
也为现实感到很无奈。
我利用这首诗作出幻想来安慰自己，
也很期望Paradox理论的存在，
这样想，让我心情变得好多了。。。

刚刚说了一句话：
“越靠近梦想，越觉得自己的选择是对的。”

还记得当我拥有第二次认真选择时，
我曾经想过，
要当一名医生。。。
之后的后悔，不是因为没有选择当上一名医生，
而是我受不了世族的现实眼光。。。

越靠近梦想，越觉得自己的选择是对的。。。
设问一位不能忍受生离死别的人，怎样能当上要冷静处事的医生？
设问一位不能看恐怖片，鬼片和残暴片的人，怎样能为病人开刀医病？
不是我怕血，而是不能接受被手术刀割开皮肉的痛。。。

所以，我觉得，我选对了。。。

越靠近梦想，越发现现实的无奈。。。
没错，这是真的。。。

工作，折磨，受白眼，
让我明白到，
大学生，也只是比别人多了一张纸而已。。。
虽然批评者在某种程度上，
为你一直深信不疑的决定作出一些无聊的评语，
但却因为自己还是学生的身份，
也只好忍气吞声。。。

“你读这门以后能赚钱吗？”
“你读这门以后会有工作吗？”
“你读这门以后会有出息吗？”
“为什么你不要选读会计，很多女生都有读啊？”

我其实很想说：
“我真的受够了！”

Uncle auntie,
不要以为只有读商科的人才是会赚钱的，
不是只有读医生律师的才是聪明人，
更不是不读工程师就没有前途，
路，真如诗中所描述的，
都是有人走出来的，
尊重别人的选择，也尊重一下你自己。。。

受人批评，
受人白眼，
更进一步贴近现实，也越靠近心中的梦想。。。

梦想，就是在被现实摧残过后还能保留下的坚持。。。

梦想是由选择开始编织而成的，
人，要别人尊重你的梦想，
请先尊重别人的选择。。。

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

mist

2011-01-09T23:19:00.000+08:00

For reasons,

I don't think I'm suppose to write this post.

In the beginning of this year 2011,

The only thing that I can see is....

MIST....

No happiness for new year,
No hope for next semester,
No strength to do anything,
No courage to face any problem,
No one to comfort me,
No good friend to share...

Distance, Mist.....

Love-emo...

Coward...

2010-12-31T23:42:00.000+08:00

32 minutes before the end of 2010,
I want to admit that...

I'm totally a COWARD,

who refuse to face the truth that,

2011 is coming a minute or second.

No, no and no...
People, don't think that I'm afraid of turning into a 20 years old teenager,
I'm not!!

That's a minute of time that,
I feel ~~ashame/girlish/~~geli-sh of myself...

Because I have a 20 years old body with a childish face!
This makes me think of the story ORPHAN!!
I don't want to be like the main character in that movie, it's suck!
As I get older without any much changes on my face,
I feel more geli-sh of myself!

No new year wishes...
Just hope that everything still smooth..
And please don't forget me, my friends...

Okay, let's admit.
COWARD is me...
~~(I don't dare to leave 2010 and accept new changes in 2011, it gonna give me a heart attack)~~

Goodbye, 2010...=(

The VF diet...

2010-12-28T23:59:00.000+08:00

My normal + general diet list:

1) Vegetable (approximately 99.00% of vegetables that you find it at supermarket are my favorite)
2) Chicken meat
3) Eggs
4) Sausage
5) Cake
6) Maggie mee
7) Roti canai
8) Curry& asam laksa
9) Biscuits
10) Bread
11) Fishes& other seafood
12) Can food
13) Spaghetti
14) Pan mee
15) Chocolate

Sooner or later, I guess that will be one blood test of me to check what's the problem with my body (used for 19th years ald). Don't worry, no big dual.

If Mr. Doctor say that I'm allergic to seafood and eggs, then I'll be suffer from great great depression as seafood is my second life.

Then, my diet list will be like that:

1) Vegetable

2) Chicken meat

3) ~~Eggs~~

4) Sausage

5) ~~Cake~~

6) ~~Maggie mee~~

7) Roti canai

8) ~~Curry& asam laksa~~

9) ~~Biscuits~~

10) ~~Bread~~

11) ~~Fishes& other seafood~~

12) ~~Can food~~

13) ~~Spaghetti~~

14) ~~Pan mee~~

15) Chocolate

Due to certain reason, I don't really like chicken meat so that my meal will left with

1) Vegetable

2) ~~Chicken meat~~

3) ~~Eggs~~

4) ~~Sausage~~

5) ~~Cake~~

6) ~~Maggie mee~~

7) Roti canai

8) ~~Curry& asam laksa~~

9) ~~Biscuits~~

10) ~~Bread~~

11) ~~Fishes& other seafood~~

12) ~~Can food~~

13) ~~Spaghetti~~

14) ~~Pan mee~~

15) Chocolate

Due to certain genetic variation or inheritance or some environment factors, the expected outcome of the allergic will directly affect my skin, hence, fried food, spicy food and chocolate will be totally out from the list!

And now, my meal will left with only:

1) Vegetable

2) ~~Chicken meat~~

3) ~~Eggs~~

4) ~~Sausage~~

5) ~~Cake~~

6) ~~Maggie mee~~

7) ~~Roti canai~~

8) ~~Curry& asam laksa~~

9) ~~Biscuits~~

10) ~~Bread~~

11) ~~Fishes& other seafood~~

12) ~~Can food~~

13) ~~Spaghetti~~

14) ~~Pan mee~~

15) ~~Chocolate~~

Can you see that I'm actually left with vegetables and I guess Mr. Doctor will recommend me to eat MORE MORE MORE fruits for the shake of my skin. (peeling is definitely not an easy job for me! ><)

Everyday Vege + Fruits with a little bit of meat = The VF diet

(siao!)

* Sometimes, human really left with no choice, for certain unpreventable task...

There's not choice left with me...

Emo White...

2010-12-26T23:35:00.000+08:00

头一次，
还真的是头一次。。。

白皮，黄肉。。。

今年的圣诞圣诞节，
让我觉得有点沮丧。。。

小时候，
和邻家朋友，
最远的距离，
也只是早上上幼儿园的几个小时，
放学后，又是有的没得什么都玩。。。

从小学到中学，
和最好同学最远的距离，
也只是里也离不开的小市镇，
每天放学后的补习，活动一大堆的，
怎样离也离不开这个小市镇。。。

终于，
有一天，
我们都毕业。。。
离开的离开，留下的留下。。。
旧同学与旧同学之间最远的距离，
扩大到几百公里以外，
但是，
有了伟大的发明，
见面的机会虽然大幅度减少，
要见面，
只要数小时，
就可以和朋友共享一杯香喷喷的白咖啡。。。

也终于有一天，
朋友都出国了。。。

朋友之间隔着的不再是每天短短几小后又可见面的距离，
也再也不是说声好久不见，就可以从几百里外乘坐车子回家乡的距离。。。

朋友和朋友之间，
隔着的是几万里的距离，
中间隔着几座山，几片海，没人知道。。。

渐渐的，
和朋友的联络方式不再是sms，不再是通电话，
而是msn和facebook。。。

今天是圣诞节，
在外国的你们，
试着看看窗外，
外面的雪景，
是不是很迷人呢？

在韩国的你，
和马来西亚的time interval 大概是一小时，
在这个时候的你在做什么呢？？

在俄罗斯的你，
比马来西亚慢大约五小时的你，
在那陌生的地方度过第二次的圣诞节，
面对白雪纷飞，
周围都充满着马来西亚找也找不到的气氛，
会曾想过留在马来西亚的朋友们呢？
还是，你们都在开心的和新认识的朋友共享着丰富的火鸡晚餐？

还有，
将要出国的，
明年会回来吗？
我有种严重被抛弃的感觉。。。

明年的这个时候，
你们还会想起我吗？

和我一样，
在这一刻，
呼吸着跟我一样空气的你们，
下一刻，
你们是否会离开我几万公里以外呢？

Emo WHite~

I kinda hate CNY songs now.
When I heard it,
it symbolized,
the missing season had officially end-ed....

I'll miss u all....

Feels like...

2010-12-21T21:23:00.001+08:00

Feels like writing something over here...

Just because it's DEC now...
Symbolizes the end of a year...

~~Demanding a cup of McFlurry Oreo from Mr.Tai now, and he's still haven't back yet...yawn...~~

I can't find a way to express my feelings now,
it's too complicated.

STPM just over like that,
without the participation of me...
Feel empty inside...
I left them behind to fight for it...
Sorry, my friends...

2010, a year that full of joy, fun, sweet, love, success, sadness, changing, and learning....

Friends, bring me the source of happiness...
Dar, brings me the power of love....
Monash, brings me the cake of success...
Sunway, brings me the the matter of sadness...
Jpa, brings me a point of changing....

One year, two semester, 365 days,
I'll wait my friends to come back for reunion,
I just hope that them won't forget me...

Ok, stop crapping, feels like writing a report of this year!
Let's see how things go on!

Jan

Started my 2nd semester of MUFY!

Feb

March

Yea, R is for the killing research paper!

April

<3-ed

May

MUFY final exam!

Jun

July

A pathway where dreams turned to be true....

Aug&Sept

2 months of assignments for every weeks drive me crazy!

Oct

Yea! I had my 19th birthday, will some unexpected surprise this year! Thanks you guys& gals and DAR...

Nov

Had my first semester of degree exam. Well, i didn't get that 100%.....

Dec

Christmas is coming and i bought myself a great X'mas present!! I guess you all know what and I'm extremely happy with it!hahaa....

Ya, there's all for my report of this year...

I just write down the happy stuffs,

don't want to mention the sad things,

but anywhere,

it's all done....

Merry Christmas everyone!!!

童心未泯。。。

2010-12-19T00:14:00.000+08:00

还记得小时候，
还是用左手上色的我，
遇到最困难的问题就是，

“下一个图案该涂上什么颜色？”

我的童年比较特别，
没有芭比娃娃的玩具，
没有家家乐的器具，
没有一本本的bedtime story books，
也没有形形色色的玩具。。。

我唯一的玩具就是，
十多幅36张的disney puzzles,
在我还没学会第一个华语字时，
我已经能把9x9的乘法表倒背如流，（~~不是要炫耀，只是想说我的生活就是这样）~~
家里多的就是各种各样的卡通卡带。。。~~（以前一卷卷黑黑的卡带）~~

还有一样东西。。。
我想这是每个小孩成长过程中绝对不能少的元素，
那就是。。。

颜色笔。。。

手里握着Staedtler的颜色笔，
在一张张的白纸上，
添上一道道自己喜欢的色彩。。。

红红的太阳，
七彩的彩虹，
蓝蓝的天空，
青青的草原，
一朵朵会笑的太阳花，
还有一间小木屋。。。

缤纷色彩的颜色笔让我爱不释手，
让我捧在手里。。。

小时候的世界很简单，
每年的圣诞节愿望就只想要一盒36/48的Steadtler颜色笔/蜡笔，
平安夜的时候，
总会静心祷告，
希望圣诞老人可以给我想要的礼物。。。

不知道从什么时候开始，
觉得颜色笔是一种无聊的玩物，

慢慢地，放弃了。。。

最近接触了比较多的文具，
我看到了那一支支呈现在我眼前的颜色笔，
看得我痴心如醉。。。
颜色真的好美好美。。。

我好想好想，
再拿起颜色笔，
用力得，
像以前一样，
把我的感情、我的思念、我的勇气、我的一切，
都画在一张白纸上。。。

好想过回以前小时候的生活。。。
最困难的问题就是该选哪根颜色笔，
最想到的东西却只是盒颜色笔，
比起现在的我，
这些根本就是微不足道的事情。。。

人长大，
问题、愿望、野心也会随着长大，
不变的是，
童心会为你打开心门，
让问题太多的你可以歇着歇着。。。

一盒颜色笔和一张白纸的潜力是无限的，
想要从新开始，
就该学会如何使用胶擦。。。

*最近感触太多了，
  想表达也表达不完，
  牵挂的东西太多了，
  我念家，我念朋友，特别是将要出国的。。。
  看见色彩，是他们留给我的记忆，更加美丽。。。*

A short report....

2010-12-10T22:56:00.000+08:00

Haven't been here for more than a week.
Kinda busy recently.
And it wasn't the life that I wanted.

But something that can make me feel happy...

because...

Christmas is just around the corner!

Wishlist:

1) I will buy it...

2) I will buy it too!

3) I will buy it toooooo!

No doubt, I demand a white Christmas desperately...

Why Malaysia have no snow here....

Sad...

Christmas,
a special celebration...

It makes me feel warm...

Phone spoilt again...
Third times in this year...
Planning to have a new one,
and this makes me understand that,
money is the root of evil...
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

I miss home....

Nothing much to update...
Might update lesser...

Still have much to consider,
And it drive me crazy...

I need mum =(...

长大。。

2010-11-30T01:05:00.003+08:00

"当你发现自己收拾行李的时间越来越短时，恭喜你，你长大了。。"

家里最近来了一位新成员，
我很开心，
妈妈以后会有个伴了。。。

因为我长大了，
不能常常陪在妈妈身边，
有了它，我总算比较安慰。。。

合指一算，
其实我快二十岁了，
我真的长大了，
很快我就会离在这个保护窝，
独自去闯我的天空。。。

今天，
我又收拾了行李一遍，
比起三年前我第一次去露营所用来收拾的时间，
足足快了好几倍。。。
以前，我总需要花上两三天的时间，
但是，今天的我只有了区区的90分钟，
而且背包也越带越少。。。

以前出远门，
妈妈总是吩咐我带这个带那个的，
怕我晚上没有灯光，叫我带手电筒，
怕我在外肚子痛伤风感冒，紧叮着我记得带药丸，
怕我晚上肚子饿没东西吃，前一晚面包店快要打烊了还怕去帮我买面包，
所以，以前的我出远门，背包总是一箩箩，总是特别的多。。。

今天，
我第N次收拾行李，
妈妈还是在我的房间进进出出，
妈妈依旧在我耳边唠唠叨叨，
妈妈依然为我一一盘算该带的东西，
唯一的变化是，
我的背包越来越轻了。。。

妈妈，我真的长大了。。。
自己学会照顾自己了。。。
晚上没有电来我会记得手电筒，
晚上饿了会买东西吃，
生病了，我会去买药吃，
天气冷了，我会自己盖被，
受委屈了也懂得如何面对。。。

做人要安分守己，
要识事凌人，
要带眼识人，
不要贪小便宜。。。

这些，
我都懂了。。。

可是，
随着懂得事越来越多，
背负的责任越来越大，
受了委屈也只有自己跟肚皮知道，
眼泪都只能往肚里流。。。

才长大那么一小段时间，
我就已经很累了，
很想停下脚步了，
不想一个人走下去了，
慢慢地，会想家了。。。

有一句话说得很对，
“养儿100岁，常忧99”
在父母心中，孩子永远就是小孩，
我又何尝不想当妈妈永远的那个大眼小宝贝，
可是，我发现我长大了，
不能在什么都依赖妈妈，
不能做事不顾后果，
不能有的没的都乱说给妈妈听，
因为我知道，我的一句不经意的话，都会带给妈妈不必要的烦恼，
妈妈会为我的一个幼稚的行为而左思右想，为我解决困难。。。

长大了，就该学习如何减轻父母的担忧，而不是任性地为他们添麻烦。。。
所以，不知道什么时候开始，
我学会了，简单化。。。
把自己的问题简单化的跟父母说一遍，
从遇到问题，直接跳到结果，说声平安无事，好让他们安心，
就算解决问题的过程中遇到很不愉快的事，也不会向他们说，肚皮知道就好了。。。

也许是长女的关系吧，
总得比两位弟弟来的早成熟，
以前只觉得妈妈是我一个人的，
但是，妈妈是我们三个的。。。
以前看东西太窄了，
现在长大了，看得真的多了很多。。。

天地万物，
从蝌蚪变成青蛙，
从袋鼠宝宝变成身负重任的袋鼠妈妈，
从小老鹰变成速度如箭的天空之冠，
从无变有，
从小变大，
从此长大。。。

长大虽然残酷，虽然无情，虽然很累，
但却是一份得来不易得礼物。。。

心智一夜长大，
就在一个无人的夜晚。。。

Haha...laughing at myself...

2010-11-23T11:51:00.001+08:00

I picked up my phone, and sent message to my old old old old old friend.

Then he reply me this:

Thx....Pray for me...

Haha..After my exam we go eat...

When u finish ur exam?

16 dec 2010 9.00am

U wan go eat at wher?2molo 1st paper pa?

Sry last paper is 9.45am 16 dec2010 which is chemistry 1 which no need care a lot...If wan 14 of dec also available ady...2molo pa paper 2...Worrying the graph...

I try to be in kampar at that time..sorry, i can't help much about ur exam tomolo la, i din know much thing about stpm..but anyway, all d best for u, pray hard hard for u guys la =)

Hahas...I cant even save myself then nobody can save me also...Thx a lot la... You back in this week?

Yup..at penang now..fever-ing.s***

Travelling with boy boy?

N frineds too..he stay at penang d

Ooo...Go get some kool-fever and try recover before dawn of 2molo...

Ya ya...go study ba...good luck tomolo =)

Thx... Enjoy your vacation...

Is my own fault that I had ran far away from them to study something called MUFY which I never heard until I known the existent of it...

If I would choose to stay, I will help him in study or what I called share my knowledge with him...

Seriously...

I really miss them...

Friends, I just want to tell you guys that, studying alone at outside is not not not funny at all....

It was pretty hard at the beginning....

No one is going to help you when you fall...

No one is going to care about you from the bottom of their hearts when you're sick...

No one is going to teach you without gaining some benefits from you...

(All these situation only apply to those selfish people)

Recently, there are some problems that I need to solve it..alone...

I too young too judge who is a good or bad friend of me...

Until recently...

Maybe sometimes, I just too kind to people and not rejecting anyone...

Maybe I should learn how to make some easy-going friends...

But right now, there's no turning point anymore...
Picking up phone and reading some other messages that I'm not willing to receive,
and I laughed at myself for being silly....Haha...

After a year staying at outside with almost zero contract with friends,

receive message something like above make me feel touch...

He let me know that I still have friend there...

There is no need a word...

I miss my friends....

Wondering...

2010-11-17T19:11:00.000+08:00

Wondering how far can I go.....

with this tired body....

without the presence of justice.....

Thanks....

2010-11-16T02:37:00.001+08:00

Thanks to all B-11-06's house-mates,

for their kind and tolerance,

along my 1st semester in Monash University...

Thanks to Carrie, for being the alarm clock of me on almost every Friday morning....

Thanks to Zixin, for being my most funny "L" friend in both A-03-05 and B-11-06...

Thanks to the super awesome Chai, for being the most crap-py house-mate who crapped the most when I'm tired of study...

Thanks to YanHui, for being "so care" about our food-nutrition-intake and the sharer of Harry Potter stories with me in this unit....

Thanks to Eva, for being the most "happy-go-lucky" person in this unit, who can cheer people up by just looking at her face, =) the always...

And thanks to Clairrissa, for being the "sound-pollution-balancer" of this unit while everyone in the unit is making "pollution"...

Thanks to everyone who tolerant so much....

I love you all......

就算我受到再大的委屈，

就算我有千万个说不出口的理由，

就算有时候只能自己默默承受，

但现在这一切也已经不重要了。。。

the journey....

2010-11-05T01:24:00.002+08:00

This is encrypted:

***

Guess what.

2010-11-05T00:27:00.000+08:00

난 당신이 일 소스 저주 싫어
다 함께, 최대 좋은 사람 말을 계속하지
다른 사람들이 무작위로 낙서를했습니다.
당신은 좋은 것 같아?
당신은 거대한 똑똑하다고 생각하지 마
넌 정말 행운이야!

Kyth, I sure You know it!

wt?

2010-11-02T00:05:00.000+08:00

wt?
I wouldn't say that word.

Stats paper is like a disaster of my very first science paper for my very first semester in my first year.
Sad. And the huge hall with more than 300 people can make me freeze like "wt?" and my hands were shaking non-stop and I felt like peeing in that very harsh 3 hours. *sigh*

And if you are my loyal follower of this mess blog, you will noticed I had closed my blog for two days because of my stupid action. I accidentally delete all my data and this wonderful blogskin template at 3.00 am just few minutes before i want to switch off my laptop and go sleep, 2 days before.
And now, I wasted my golden movie time to end up here. *sigh*

And I found Facebook so cruel.
My friends who are like few hundreds kilometers away from me graduated.
I should be happy rite?
But yet, I saw Facebook full of their lovely+ joyful+happy pictures, make me feel jealous because i can't find myself and I really miss them. If I never come over here and I might also graduated at the same time.
Feel like grabbing their photos.
Too bad, I stalked too much. =(

*sigh*

休息.

2010-10-29T21:00:00.000+08:00

在这大约11640个小时前,
我写了一篇跟这完全相反的帖子.

睡觉那时对我而言,
简直就是个浪费时间的行为.
可是,
在经过11640个小时后的我,
真的觉得很累了.

人老了,
想要休息了.

JY 跟我说,
休息是为了走更长远的路,
我想,我懂了.

在这两个星期的study week,
让我明白了许多.
人累了,就要休息.

我的累,
是心累.
被现实压得好累.
之前有一段时期,
我累得连想要让心灵休息下,喘喘气的时间都没有.
我把这里荒废了,
我觉得好对不起.

其实做人很简单,
现实归现实,
休息总是该要做的事.

休息,
就像咖啡一样,
没有特别需要的时候,
但是只要咖啡送上门来了,
就会忍不住想要喝,
就算没喝, 嗅下味道也过瘾,也精神.
(当然,这是我对咖啡的哲学)

我真的累了,
该休息一下.
想想离我上一次去旅行的时间应该是3年前.
原来我也有好久没去放松自己了.

心麻了,累了,但还不是死的.
我好想去做做自己喜欢的事.
在这两个星期里,
我找到了我是时候休息的理由.

我真的好想再疯狂多一次,
为的只是想要做我自己喜欢做的事.

请让我疯狂地追看我最爱的小说系列吧 !

( 目前只能够看一点点止瘾)

人类朋友,

该休息去吧,

去把你所有过的热忱, 一次过从傀儡的手上抢回来吧,

不然你的人生会像黑洞一样,

只会盘旋在人类看不见的天空, 不再发出光芒.

The quote of the day:

虽然不知道生命会持续到哪一天，

因为身边有彼此的陪伴，

不再恐惧死亡，

享受生命中的每一天

加油...........

*a dreamer's paradise*

他，回来了。

算了吧。

Another day

就让我一次坏个够吧！

When all my cell met.

The twins.

太阳、月亮

The Split.

Song that make my Octobie.

No idea

If I die young.

最近。

1st week. 2nd year.

I'm no longer a but you are.

Art....

End.ed

Dilemma again.

Pictures tell stories.

小丑

Theory of the day....

No reason.

No longer a Nerd...

My new pet

When emo-ness strikes...

婚礼。。。

Days of number...

Day 8..Mixture.

Day 7..Facts.

Day 5

Day 3...失败？

Day 2, the THREESOME....

1st day...

Progress...

I'm alive....

扛不住...

我,回来了...

Love the way I live....

Care

吃苦

Mo-phobia...

黑，白，红

senses...

From the book of face again....

Walk through this pain...

Grandma

默默

呼吸。。。

选择

mist

Coward...

The VF diet...

Emo White...

Feels like...

童心未泯。。。

A short report....

长大。。

Haha...laughing at myself...

Wondering...

Thanks....

the journey....

Guess what.

wt?

休息.

a dreamer's paradise